I love the comfort of a warm blanket watching a feel good movie with a slice of panettone and a warm chai latte.
I love tucking myself in bed at night with a good book sending myself to sleep in such a delightful way.
I love lighting a candle and gaze at the beautiful views surrounding me. My son endlessly playing with his Brio set. My husband prepping a beautiful lunch in the kitchen.
And that morning light that is so unique and magical every single day. Right before the greyness of winter settles, there is always, always, a spectacular show in the sky. I get to witness it most mornings.
I dwell sometimes too much on what people may think or what so and so has said to or about me.
Sometimes, I talk about people in not such a nice way. It leaves me feeling not so good. But I do it sometimes. It is like a soother. Making myself better for a bit. Feeling like I matter.
Often too, I am so overwhelmed that I freeze. My thoughts, and ideas and wishes are so strong and appear so important that I am frustrated that they have not yet materialized, as soon as they’ve gone through me.
When I get scared I can procrastinate. My procrastination is insane sometimes. How many times have I told my partner : let’s move to the other side of the planet ! Only to realize that I was merely trying to escape living the fear of a situation or a transition.
I feel called by the ocean. All the time. I spend too much time wondering why. Instead of, really, simply, following that calling.
I have big dreams, very big ones. They excite me, so much. They make me dance and sing and hug my whole family when so many people are feeling half asleep. These big dreams scare me too. They make me feel that I am not enough. Or else, that I am too much. They make me feel small and big. They make me feel like this 13 year old girl who was mocked time and time again in the playground. They make me want to hide my face.
But then, I connect to that ignition/spark that creates the excitement of a dream. And I dance and sing and hug again when half of the population is feeling half asleep. This is where I aim to be most of the time. I go long periods of time on joyful life flow. And I come off it suddenly, swimming myself back up to grandiosity.
There are days when I have to put some lipstick on to make myself feel empowered and worthy. They are days where I feel the most empowered with my greasy hair and my gown on.
Some days I feel a certain sadness in me and I don’t know why. Some days, I feel so happy, no apparent reasons either.
All of that is ok.
I was thinking about this, this morning: Success comes with a price. The price of consistency in feeling the fear, feeling the wounds, feeling the discomfort of our reality.
As you show up, as you rise up, as you level up, so do the fears, the wounds and the discomfort.
This is why most people give up.
This is why very few people are walking on the brave line.
I don’t blame these people. It’s so bloody hard and so so scary at times.
So scary that I want to be that little girl again that mummy and daddy will carry to bed as I fell asleep on my grandmother’s sofa. I want things to be handled for me. Please, help me. Please, do not make me feel the discomfort of my dreams. Make it all happen now.
Some days, I want to give up. I want to go and live in a hut in the Caribbean somewhere and not have anything to do with the world or my dreams.
I know though that as much as I like the comfort of my sofa, lighting a candle light, watching my son and my husband be … I know that life happens in the comfort as well as in the discomfort. How boring would life be. Like Beth Orton says, the rain makes you appreciate the sun. Walking in the cold makes you appreciate a good movie and a warm drink even more. A year of living your purpose fully makes you enjoy a retreat even more. The efforts fuel the resting period and vice versa.
I know that as I transcend every bit of tough situations that comes my way as I move towards my dreams & I shine the light for you all in doing so.
If I can rise above that 13 year old girl feeling so inadequate and out of place. You can too.
There is no superior beings. None.
Whatever you see and you love, you are too.
It would be my pleasure to accompany you on your journey to Gold – take a look here on how I can help you today.
Floriane Letulle is the founder of the movement Star of the Show. Floriane takes her clients to the next level of being on a professional & personal level. Working with Floriane gives you that buzz that joy is and impacts all areas of your life. Before you know it, you have taken a turn you once thought was impossible. Remember, Floriane is just like you. She is amazing ! And so are you !